2.20.2005

Here's What! Vol. 4

Now that's loyalty: Corey Feldman is defending Michael Jackson up and down. And up and down and up and down and... An armless, carbunkled uncle who’s 2 feet tall; a mother covered in llama fur who can sniff her own taint; a rubberized grandfather who balances headless albinos on his chin – not THAT’S a family circus!... Have you heard? The OC is hot! (Please come visit me at my home in Oxiogo Clamp, GA)... I held a taco shell up to my ear and heard the Gulf of California... Back to the drawing board: Honda scientists are working feverishly to cure Asimo's shingles... You wanna talk reality? How about next season's "The Bachelor: Love Me, Love my BM’s"?... Say what you will about Zoobas, but my GOD did they get me laid... Why don’t grocery stores advertise victuals more?... Not a bad score on the ol’ kink-o-meter – eating Peaches while smoking Herb... La musica: The Hot Carl Incident opens for DMB at Bonnaroo this summer... New way to say ‘sound’: Virtual cochlea fucking... Is it any wonder no tuna fish were killed in the tsunamis when its anagram is 'miss tuna'?... How come every single contemporary Christian song has the word “awesome” in it?... Baby ‘down-the-well’ Jessica ain’t a baby no more – have you seen her “Rope-Bucket Hotties: The Whole Hole” vids?!... Um, yeah – a little tip for marathon runners: PACE YOURSELVES!!... Newsy stuff: NASCAR is reversing the direction they drive around the track so as not to be confused philosophically with left-leaning traitorous liberal pussies... Why can’t they figure out a way for public officials standing together at a media event in partnership holding up each other’s hands triumphantly to do it less awkwardly?... If John Rambo fought the Viet Cong half as well as he bawled at his commanding officer 18 years later back in the States, I think Iraq today would look a whooooole lot different... David Bowie and Mick Jagger emerging nude from under the covers to get Alice Cooper’s smashed kittens’ blood pumped from Rod Stewart’s stomach using Gene Simmons’ surgically-implanted cow’s tongue as the scooper?! Not again!!... Suicide watch: Having a job interview at Denny’s when you’re not applying for a job there...

1 comment:

Grendel said...

Hey Chris I'll be throwing you into the sea next weekend! Splash!!!!! SSSPLASSHHH