8.17.2005

Here's What! Vol. 7

Busy like the rest of us on a Sunday and can’t make time for breakfast? Attend a church of your choice that’s serving a hearty communion... Yes, children are the future. But so what does that make parrots? Those fucks live a LONG-ASS time... In light of a state fair visit, I don't think middle America has so much an obesity problem as it does a big ol' titty support problem... And speaking of which, jeez, I can’t believe state fairs still allow Little People to roam the midway… And speaking of whom, did you hear The World’s Smallest Man sired a purple ribbon sow? (look it up, people)... My other car is stilts... I ate an entire Lunchable in the time it took Diane Rehm to say “nuclear non-proliferation treaties”... All the rage in Japan? Lesbian fetishists teens’ Hello Clitty dolls… Might the ADM Foundation give me a grant to eat Brown ‘n’ Serve smoky links every day for the rest of my life?... Is this love or what? My girlfriend planted a big happy smooch on me even though I’ve got meth-mouth!... Now come on, isn’t Dairy Queen really the poor man’s Hardee’s?... I can’t wait to introduce mom and dad to Rachel – my very special online avatar!… I’ve noticed that soul music is really not relevant unless it is 1:30am and one is gradually approaching alcohol poisoning... One day I’d like to meet a nice woman who almost exactly resembles my 2nd cousin on my dad’s side... Need to find a local alternative to prostate health? You’ll be glad you tried: www.anteater.peanutbutter.gauze.maps.google.com...

2 comments:

Grendel said...

Sweet charity but your mind is deranged... it took me a while to get that last one, and when I did I had to cover my mouth in embarrassment -- even though I was alone.

I wonder about the differences between the Iowa and Indiana State Fairs. Can confirm support problem, for both sexes, but didn't see any Little People. However, did see Smallest Horse in the World, which would be a sweet ride for someone Smaller. Also saw very tall scary robot, the Fifth Place eggplant, and a dunking booth that had a guy who went way beyond routine taunts of passersby. "Hey, shuffle over here, Grandpa! Huh huh huh huh huh. If you even can! You old fart! Huh huh huh huh huh huh."

It was too long between Here's What volumes this time.

semanticist said...

My goodness ... what a refreshing dose of toxicity that was.

A friend of mine can't listen to Diane Rehm simply because the way she says "president" (prezzz-dnt) makes him want to kill himself.

As for the rest of it, I just don't know where to start.