EG: It’s been a long time since we talked.
EGdA: Long time -- a lot of stuff going on.
EG: Like what?
EGdA: Well, the family is out of town for the next two weeks, so I have some time to work on my writing.
EG: You’re still doing that?
EGdA: Yea – kind of – I guess – I …
EG: And what have you been writing?
EGdA: Victorian Era erotica about a guy who teaches in a law school.
EG: Who seems very much like you – with some obvious fictions.
EGdA (laughing): Yea, the necrophilia and what not …
EG: I was talking about women being interested in you. The necrophilia seemed dead on.
EGdA: Oh. (sound that sounds like a duck – tape inaudible for several moments)
EGdA: I would consider that working, although the itching was unbearable.
EG: Hey, a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Four years after graduating from Iowa – is this what you thought you would be up to?
EGdA: Probably not.
EG: We did. We had a betting pool. Dunkeys won.
EG: I thought Kclou was going to pull that one out – I really saw you lying drunk at the bottom of a Taco Bell dumpster.
EGdA: My wife always believed in …
EG: She had you writing press releases for the Bush Administration.
EGdA: Jesus? Really?
EG: I know – I’m sorry I was the one to tell you that. But, you’ve been pretty much sitting in molasses for years now.
EGdA: I had some babies –
EG: So, back to your writing, do you send these little “ero-idiocies” out?
EGdA: I sent two to McSweeney’s – Here’s the emails: “El Gordo:I'm going to pass on this one, but I do appreciate the look. Best, John Warner Website Editor McSweeney’s El Gordo:Not something for us, I'm afraid. Best, John Warner Website Editor
EG: Wow – fame and fortune here you come!
EGdA: I haven’t heard back on the last one I sent.
EG: Don’t hold your breath.
EGdA: You are very mean.
EG: What are you going to do about it, lit boy, try to chop off my dangling modifier?
EGdA: Hey – honestly –
EG: Come on! Put them up! Stop holding them like a girl! I’m about to go all Blood Meridian on your ass!
EGdA: We don’t have to –
EG: Oh yes we do! Traca de Broon! CRY HAVOC AND LET LOOSE THE DOGS OF WAR! (a loud Valkyric scream comes from the kitchen, followed by banging doors and claws clattering on the floor)
EG: Feast! FEAST! Feast Grendel and Luka! FEAST! FEAST ON POP BOY AND HIS LITTLE SILLIES! FEAST ON HIS WASTED LIFE! FEAST!
EGdA: AAABBLAGOAGLAAHHKQLAPPAA! (sound of rending and fighting)
EG: But, I have to admit the mahogany desk was pretty good.