Top Ten Dutch Grocery Store Items of 2008
10. "Vla." Vla is pudding you can drink, make no mistake about that. Another fine product from the folks at Stabilac. You'll want to go ahead and finish both liters.
9. "6 Hot Dogs American Style." Because jars of pickled "Würstchen Vom Lande" are the biggest sellers at baseball stadiums and carnivals across the USA.
8. "Schmackos." Pictured are the Four Schmackos of the Apocalypse, coming to either smite or Rapture this dog. Let's hope for Rapturing because he looks like a good dog.
7. "Havermout." It makes Cream of Wheat look like oatmeal. Perfect for camping in grain fields.
6. "Rijstwafels met Zeezout." Kids here don't scream for ice cream. They scream for rice waffles with sea salt.
5. "Elmex." After all that grazing, you're gonna want to brush your teeth with Elmex ... if you're a monkey between the ages of 0 and 4, that is -- or between 0 and 5.
4. "American Style Big Pizza Texas Pepperoni - Salami." You can't go anywhere in Texas without stumbling over fluffy-based pepperoni-salami pizzas.
3. "Smac." What your lips do when you see it.
2. "Choco Choco's." Hold on, aren't dogs allergic to chocolate? Maybe not cartoon dogs.
1. "Nutrilon." Made from polar bear cubs and "Immunofortis" shields, Nutrilon doesn't sound like something you want to feed your baby. It sounds like something you want to feed an alien cyborg baby. ("And what about the Nutrilon tanks?" "19% and dropping, sir. Nearest resupply station appears to be ... Arcturus 14." "Set a course for Arcturus 14.")