I was spending my usual Wednesday reading The Onion when I saw an ad for a new Pamela Anderson show called Stacked. The title alone should tell you it's on Fox. Anyway, Stripperella was lounging on a bunch of books, and the copy read "you can't judge a bookstore by its cover girl." How could I not click?
Now, TLB knows that I am a superstitious man. And with the Red Sox winning the World Series, the Pope dying, and Brad and Jen splitting up, I've been in the watchtower looking for the last Horseman. Well, I think I spotted his hoof dust.
You see, Pamela plays a woman named Sklyer who tires of making amateur porn videos with drummers and has run out of pieces of her body to replace with foam rubber. So she does what any starlet in need of a change of pace would do: start working at a bookstore. The bookstore is run by two brothers who (wait for it...) couldn't be more different. One is the highbrow pole-up-the-ass closet case (aka every character ever played by David Hyde Pierce). The other is the fun-loving Joey Bagadonuts brother who wants to have sex with her because she looks like a stripper (aka Kelsey Grammer's love life). Are you ready to laugh? Don't do it just yet, there's more.
See, there's another woman who works behind the espresso bar at the bookstore. She's the wisecracking, sarcastic female foil who we know isn't desirable because a) she's a brunette and b) her nipples are not pumped full of argon. The cherry on top of this shit sunday is Christopher Lloyd, playing the steady customer who's a retired rocket scientist. No word on whether he drives a fusion-powered DeLorean.
After I got done throwing up in my mouth, I thought about the whole death-of-reading argument. I realized that the problem isn't that people don't want to read or that too many books are being published or that the Attorney General has outlawed literature. It's that bookstores need gianormous pairs of fake tits to attract customers. (That would spice up LFPR a bit, though, wouldn't it?)
I can't believe SER and I didn't even make the cut in the Bravo sitcom contest yet this piece of baboon-scripted comedy anti-matter is on TV. Silly me, if I had just whacked myself in the head with a shovel a few dozen times before writing my script, I probably would be working at Fox right now.