5.10.2005

Close call for Danza

Many have expressed a perverse fondness for -- or at least a fascination for the overlongevity of the career of -- Tony on this blog. Seems he was nearly injured when his go-kart flipped during a taping of a Tony Danza Show segment called "The DayTony 500."

8 comments:

ian said...

I always thought everyone on Earth Goat shared a perverse fondness for the Tony Danza, the sexual manuever, not Tony Danza, the actor.

Brando said...

Completely obvious joke alert: "Who's the boss now, bitch?"

Can't believe Wallace tapped Danza in a go-cart race. That would be like playing softball with Roger Clemens and he throws at your head because you're crowding the plate.

The "DayTony 500" is so awful it made me laugh.

Grendel said...

Ian, I think I speak for all of us when I say "please elaborate."

ian said...

Okay. One of the all-time-great celebrity urban legends -- right up there with the Jon Bon Jovi stomach pumping -- is that before he became a "star," Tony Danza acted as a porn star under an assumed name, and that his signature move was to slap with his penis the (face) cheek of the woman with whom he was having sex. This is known as the Danza Slap.

However, *the* Tony Danza (as opposed to the Danza Slap) is something else entirely. There are a few variants, but in my estimation the true Tony Danza goes something like this: in the middle of the act, a man asks his sex partner, "Who's the boss?" In order to please the man, his partner replies, "You are, baby," or something along those lines. At which point, the man slaps his sex partner's (face) cheek with his penis and says, "No. Tony Danza's the boss."

Grendel said...

Thanks, Ian. I guess I wasn't speaking for everyone after all. Brando appears to have been familiar with it. How did I miss this?

Brando said...

Actually, my joke was in reference to the show, not a phallic slap to the face. I have never heard of the Tony Danza until now. Then again, I had never heard of a Cleveland Steamer until I bought the Tenacious D album.

www.urbandictionary.com is the best source for what these crazy kids are saying.

Also, I feel really old, because when I grew up, the "Jon Bon Jovi stomach pumping" was the "Rod Stewart stomach pumping." Although Richard Gere is the universal symbol for sticking vermin up your butt.

Grendel said...

I had it on good fifth-grade sources that ten ounces of sperm had been pumped from Rod Stewart's stomach. It was always ten ounces. I remember having a vague idea this had something to do with sex or whales or, perhaps, both.

Xanzia said...

As a matter of fact, I just endured about 12 minutes of Mr Danza in what was without question a very artistic sex scene...known as pornography. If you do a quick search on XHamster, you should be able to find it. I'm pretty sure that he didn't have his English/Drama students on "Teach" re-enact that particular scene from his past!