6. Shoulda bought stock in Tylenol PM.
5. There are countless different ways to write the same story, but the only way that matters is the one that's interesting to you.
4. Wi-Fi is the worst black-hole time-suck ever invented.
3. If you think you're going to the gym, you are sorely mistaken.
2. Don't compare your novel to a short story, any short story. Short stories are the well-dressed preppy brainiacs of literature. Your novel is a massive, hairy, stank-breathed bitch, and no matter how many times you make her over, she's always going to be on the rough side.
1. The breakthrough you've been waiting a year and a half for will come the day of your deadline.