El Gordo de Amore, Interview III

Earth Goat: It's been a long time. I'm glad you've agreed to do another interview.

El Gordo De Amore: Well, last time was a little depressing

EG: Oh what rot! It was just a bit of the old tea and crumpet -- too sweet to be bad!

EA: Yes ... Er. Well.

EG: Has Old Miss Havisham got your tongue? I say, you are as close-lipped as Jaggers at a Sunday Church Meeting! Do you have nothing to say to your good friend Pip?

EA: Pip?

EG: Yes! I am interviewing you in the guise of a beloved literary scamp! It's the newest thing in clever criticism. Wot wot?

EA: I'm pretty sure Pip never said "Wot wot."

EG: Oh, you're as despicable as Old Provis! Tally ho!

EA: You sound nothing like Pip. I'm not putting up with this crap.

(unintelligible on tape -- noise that sounds like a duck. Loud bang.)

EG: Now, show me your scrivener's notes! What are you working on? What blood-thirsty rows and derring-dos have you scratched down for us poor gentlemen? We will read it as we row down the Thames, my beloved Estella in the bow!

EA: Err-- What's that in your hand?

EG: Why Miss Havisham's wedding dress and the chains that once bound my old benefactor! Wot wot! Here, hold fast!

EA: Dude, get the hell away from me.

EG: Wot wot!

(unintelligible noises -- loud banging)

EG: Lie back and think of England!

(unintelligible noises and a loud banging sound).

1 comment:

Grendel said...

From the cutting room floor -- the beginning of the interview:

EG: Isn't it true you're really Syd Barrett?

EA: No, I don't know how that one got started, but--

EG: Prove that you don't live with your Mum in Cambridge.

EA: Well, there's the fact that I live with my wife and child in Iowa City, and that I was a child when Pink Floyd replaced him with David Gilmour, and--

EG: Prove that you haven't been in and out of mental hospitals, and that you didn't go into catatonia on the Pat Boone Show.

EA: Uh... look, this is the dumbest thing yet. Syd Barrett must be close to 60 years old by now, this is just--

EG: Prove that "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" isn't about you.

EA: (sighs) All right. You got me. I'm Syd Barrett.

EG: See! See! I knew it! You liar! Will you sign my copy of "Saucerful"?

(EA signs the album. In the background, a needle drops on a scratchy album, and the long synth intro to "Shine on, You Crazy Diamond" begins. EG fires up eBay on the laptop. He is posting the album for sale.)

EG: Okay, when Roger sings "You were caught in the cross-fire" -- what do you suppose he meant?

EA: (staring...)

EG: Is that too painful, Syd? Do you suppose he was talking about the treacherous interface between art and fame? Don't answer if it hurts you.

EA: (doesn't answer)

EG: (Writing in his notebook) Interesting. (Checks eBay. There is a bid. Types something.) Now, did you see Live8? What did you think of the reunion?

EA: (looking at the ground) Can I go home now?