First of all, since when do high school kids have a union? Since when do 16 year-olds go on strike? The national government is making them stay in school for a certain number of "useless hours" per year -- corralled into boring study halls when there is no teacher available. So the kids went on strike. They texted and IM'd and organized and threw eggs at Parliament, tipped a car and set it on fire, clashed with riot police in several cities. Police dragged a kid into a van, and the other kids rescued him. Some coverage here and here. Video of a police water cannon being used on the children is here. In my day, it never would have occurred to us to go on strike and take to the streets in protest of study hall hours. I, for one, was too busy sleeping in study hall.
11.28.2007
Dutch high school students rampage against extra hours
First of all, since when do high school kids have a union? Since when do 16 year-olds go on strike? The national government is making them stay in school for a certain number of "useless hours" per year -- corralled into boring study halls when there is no teacher available. So the kids went on strike. They texted and IM'd and organized and threw eggs at Parliament, tipped a car and set it on fire, clashed with riot police in several cities. Police dragged a kid into a van, and the other kids rescued him. Some coverage here and here. Video of a police water cannon being used on the children is here. In my day, it never would have occurred to us to go on strike and take to the streets in protest of study hall hours. I, for one, was too busy sleeping in study hall.
11.27.2007
Please Don't Issue #1 is now online
Congrats to Pete et. al on a fine-lookin' launch! Two other Goats are involved in this, the inaugural issue of the newest online quarterly lit mag. When you're done reading it, don't forget to check out the "Submissions/Pitches" link.
11.26.2007
What American accent do you have?
If you're American, you do indeed have a specific American accent. It's just a question of which one. A short, easy test can determine it, supposedly. (It sure got mine right: a "Midland" accent -- "You have a good voice for TV and radio." That is so true.)
11.25.2007
What makes a reader?
Well, the short answer is that nobody knows, but the New York Times ponders the question.
11.24.2007
Resolution
I think one of my New Year's resolutions in 2004 was to improve my vocabulary. Thus, while I had long received word-a-day emails from Wordsmith and Merriam-Webster, I just that year set up a folder in my email account called Words. Every time a word that I thought could be useful in my writing or in insults hurled during revenge fantasies, I moved it into that folder. And then, of course, I forgot about it. I now have 405 words in there, only a few of which have actually been used in my writing. So I don't think we can call this resolution a success.
To try to make some progress (a few years late), I present to you a few randomly selected words from said folder. You literati out there probably know and employ them all already, but perhaps a wandering philistine will come upon this page and be enlightened.
operose (OP-uh-roas) adjective 1. Tedious; diligent. 2. Requiring great effort.
haptic \HAP-tik\ adjective *1 : relating to or based on the sense of touch 2 : characterized by a predilection for the sense of touch
esprit d'escalier (e-SPREE des-kal-i-YE) noun, also esprit de l'escalier Thinking of a witty remark too late; hindsight wit or afterwit. Also such a remark.
callithump \KAL-uh-thump\ noun : a noisy boisterous band or parade
caliginous (kuh-LIJ-uh-nuhs) adjective Dark, gloomy, obscure, misty.
marplot \MAHR-plaht\ noun : one who frustrates or ruins a plan or undertaking by meddling
sortilege (SOR-tl-ij) noun 1. Divination by drawing lots. 2. Sorcery; magic.
velleity (vuh-LEE-i-tee) noun Volition at its faintest.
parrhesia (puh-REEZ-i-uh) noun 1. Boldness of speech. 2. The practice of asking forgiveness before speaking in this manner.
nival (NY-vuhl) adjective Of, growing in, or relating to, snow.
sequacious \sih-KWAY-shus\ adjective : intellectually servile
peneplain (PEE-nuh-playn, pee-nuh-PLAYN) noun An area of nearly flat, featureless land formed by a long period of erosion.
That takes us up to the end of 2005. Since there's still nearly a week of NaBloPoMo, a random assortment of the randomly liked words of 2006 and 2007 may appear in this space soon.
To try to make some progress (a few years late), I present to you a few randomly selected words from said folder. You literati out there probably know and employ them all already, but perhaps a wandering philistine will come upon this page and be enlightened.
operose (OP-uh-roas) adjective 1. Tedious; diligent. 2. Requiring great effort.
haptic \HAP-tik\ adjective *1 : relating to or based on the sense of touch 2 : characterized by a predilection for the sense of touch
esprit d'escalier (e-SPREE des-kal-i-YE) noun, also esprit de l'escalier Thinking of a witty remark too late; hindsight wit or afterwit. Also such a remark.
callithump \KAL-uh-thump\ noun : a noisy boisterous band or parade
caliginous (kuh-LIJ-uh-nuhs) adjective Dark, gloomy, obscure, misty.
marplot \MAHR-plaht\ noun : one who frustrates or ruins a plan or undertaking by meddling
sortilege (SOR-tl-ij) noun 1. Divination by drawing lots. 2. Sorcery; magic.
velleity (vuh-LEE-i-tee) noun Volition at its faintest.
parrhesia (puh-REEZ-i-uh) noun 1. Boldness of speech. 2. The practice of asking forgiveness before speaking in this manner.
nival (NY-vuhl) adjective Of, growing in, or relating to, snow.
sequacious \sih-KWAY-shus\ adjective : intellectually servile
peneplain (PEE-nuh-playn, pee-nuh-PLAYN) noun An area of nearly flat, featureless land formed by a long period of erosion.
That takes us up to the end of 2005. Since there's still nearly a week of NaBloPoMo, a random assortment of the randomly liked words of 2006 and 2007 may appear in this space soon.
11.23.2007
Commerce Collective
Perhaps that's an oxymoron, but maybe it's time for us MFA types to band together while the WGA members and the studios are locked in battle. Yes, we can become writer-entrepreneurs. I know Gilly and Brando and T-Bone are in; who else?
I am full of good ideas. Surely some of you can act, edit, etc. The world is our oyster. Yea, go with me unto the dawn, or morning in America, or something!
I am full of good ideas. Surely some of you can act, edit, etc. The world is our oyster. Yea, go with me unto the dawn, or morning in America, or something!
Tidbits from the NYT
1. Somehow, this headline just sums up America these days: Retail Desperation on Display in Early Hours.
2. This movie sounds interesting, but what's more interesting is that AO Scott calls the book it's based upon "near-perfect." Have any of you read it? I'm embarrassed to say I'd never heard of it.
2. This movie sounds interesting, but what's more interesting is that AO Scott calls the book it's based upon "near-perfect." Have any of you read it? I'm embarrassed to say I'd never heard of it.
11.22.2007
11.21.2007
In case you're no longer teaching...
...and miss anecdotes about the antics of Iowa undergraduates (most of whom are not like this, of course), here are a couple:
1. One of my husband's students failed to turn in her paper. After a week had passed and he hadn't heard anything from her, he emailed her. In reply, she wrote, "I apologize for my slowfulness."
2. Two of EG contributor MSF's students recently misspelled the word "answer." They both left out the W. For those of you who know where MSF works, this should be particularly unsettling.
1. One of my husband's students failed to turn in her paper. After a week had passed and he hadn't heard anything from her, he emailed her. In reply, she wrote, "I apologize for my slowfulness."
2. Two of EG contributor MSF's students recently misspelled the word "answer." They both left out the W. For those of you who know where MSF works, this should be particularly unsettling.
11.20.2007
A quickie
1. Thanks to everyone for keeping NaBloPoMo alive!
2. No one reads anymore.
3. I just finished Antoine's book. It was excellent! I will be giving it as a Christmas gift, along with PJKM's Trendy But Casual (see buying info on right near top), which is also excellent!
2. No one reads anymore.
3. I just finished Antoine's book. It was excellent! I will be giving it as a Christmas gift, along with PJKM's Trendy But Casual (see buying info on right near top), which is also excellent!
11.19.2007
Write What You Know
MEXICO CITY — Forensics experts said Monday that flesh found on a plate, fork and frying pan in the apartment of an aspiring horror novelist was human, and that DNA tests were planned to confirm whether it came from the body of his girlfriend.
Dr. Rodolfo Rojo, chief medical examiner for Mexico City's prosecutor's office, said muscle found on the plate and frying pan in suspect Jose Luis Calva's apartment corresponded to parts missing from the corpse of his 32-year-old girlfriend, Alejandra Galeana.
Police found Galeana's body in a closet in the suspect's apartment last week after her family lead police to the building.
When asked if Calva had eaten the woman, prosecutor Octavio Romulo Salas said: "That is the assumption that exists."
Authorities found pieces of lime beside chunks of flesh in the apartment, leading them to believe that Calva seasoned Galeana's forearm with the fruit after he allegedly strangled, hacked, and then fried up parts of her body, Rojo said.
Two or three days passed between Galeana's death and her grisly discovery — too much time to test Calva's digestive system for traces of her flesh, Salas said.
Police discovered the lower part of a leg presumed to be Galeana's in the refrigerator of the apartment. They also found knives, a box cutter, blood stains and a pair of shoelaces that may have been used to strangle her, prosecutors said.
Their search uncovered an unfinished novel by Calva entitled "Cannibalistic Instincts." On the cover page, a masked image of "Silence of the Lambs" killer Hannibal Lecter had been altered to resemble Calva's face, Salas said.
One witness, whose name was withheld, told prosecutors that Calva was fascinated by animal porn, witchcraft, and the explicit and sadistic novel "120 Days of Sodom."
Calva supported his cocaine and alcohol habits by forcing another girlfriend to sell handmade copies of his novels and poems for about a dollar (euro) a piece on city streets, prosecutors said.
The surviving girlfriend, whose name was also withheld for her protection, told police that Calva was initially charming, winning her trust with poetry. But he soon turned jealous, controlling and obsessive, and once attempted suicide, the woman said.
Prosecutors said Calva may have killed two other women whose dismembered bodies were found crammed in cardboard boxes and suitcases in Mexico City in 2004 and 2007. Like Galeana, both were strangled.
One of those cadavers, found in April, was missing its hands and feet, prosecutors said.
The other body, found in 2004, was that of Calva's former girlfriend, Veronica Martinez.
Calva, arrested last week, is being treated at a local hospital for head injuries he suffered while trying to escape police by swinging down balconies from his upper-floor apartment.
He will likely be charged with homicide counts that carry a maximum sentence of 50 years in prison, Salas said.
Dr. Rodolfo Rojo, chief medical examiner for Mexico City's prosecutor's office, said muscle found on the plate and frying pan in suspect Jose Luis Calva's apartment corresponded to parts missing from the corpse of his 32-year-old girlfriend, Alejandra Galeana.
Police found Galeana's body in a closet in the suspect's apartment last week after her family lead police to the building.
When asked if Calva had eaten the woman, prosecutor Octavio Romulo Salas said: "That is the assumption that exists."
Authorities found pieces of lime beside chunks of flesh in the apartment, leading them to believe that Calva seasoned Galeana's forearm with the fruit after he allegedly strangled, hacked, and then fried up parts of her body, Rojo said.
Two or three days passed between Galeana's death and her grisly discovery — too much time to test Calva's digestive system for traces of her flesh, Salas said.
Police discovered the lower part of a leg presumed to be Galeana's in the refrigerator of the apartment. They also found knives, a box cutter, blood stains and a pair of shoelaces that may have been used to strangle her, prosecutors said.
Their search uncovered an unfinished novel by Calva entitled "Cannibalistic Instincts." On the cover page, a masked image of "Silence of the Lambs" killer Hannibal Lecter had been altered to resemble Calva's face, Salas said.
One witness, whose name was withheld, told prosecutors that Calva was fascinated by animal porn, witchcraft, and the explicit and sadistic novel "120 Days of Sodom."
Calva supported his cocaine and alcohol habits by forcing another girlfriend to sell handmade copies of his novels and poems for about a dollar (euro) a piece on city streets, prosecutors said.
The surviving girlfriend, whose name was also withheld for her protection, told police that Calva was initially charming, winning her trust with poetry. But he soon turned jealous, controlling and obsessive, and once attempted suicide, the woman said.
Prosecutors said Calva may have killed two other women whose dismembered bodies were found crammed in cardboard boxes and suitcases in Mexico City in 2004 and 2007. Like Galeana, both were strangled.
One of those cadavers, found in April, was missing its hands and feet, prosecutors said.
The other body, found in 2004, was that of Calva's former girlfriend, Veronica Martinez.
Calva, arrested last week, is being treated at a local hospital for head injuries he suffered while trying to escape police by swinging down balconies from his upper-floor apartment.
He will likely be charged with homicide counts that carry a maximum sentence of 50 years in prison, Salas said.
11.18.2007
Technically a post
I got nothing, but I'm happy. Pyromania on vinyl thanks to Traca, brother arriving tomorrow... if you let enough go, all the real things come back. I don't want your photograph, I don't need your photograph, ALL I'VE GOT IS YOUR PHOTOGRAPH.
11.17.2007
Denis Johnson, Robert Hass win National Book Awards
Tree of Smoke won best novel at the National Book Awards. Mr. Johnson couldn't attend the ceremony because he is "on assignment in Iraq." Hopefully, this will give his writing the wide appreciation it so thoroughly deserves.Robert Hass's Time and Materials won for poetry.
Denis graduated from the IWW in 1974, and both gentlemen have taught there.
Sherman Alexie won for young people's literature with his book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian.
11.16.2007
Nachtreizigers
I'm taking an evening Dutch class here in Haarlem. The instructor, Gerard -- tall, skinny, mid-40s, sense of humor, fine enunciating voice, patient and calm -- never gives the feeling that he's just doing his job. If I ever teach English here, I hope to emulate him. With ease he handles all of us, with our different advantages and difficulties, from Poland, Iraq, Spain, Morocco, Romania, South Africa, Guatemala, Venezuela, Turkey, and the U.S. (there's one other American).
Anyway, for his contact info he gave us his URL. The class has been going for months, but it wasn't until last week that I, on a lark, typed it in. Turns out he's a writer who has published three novels and three books of stories and done other writerly stuff. One of his links in particular caught my eye, in which he recommends books "for a foggy fall afternoon." Among them: Cheever's stories, books by Tobias Wolff, David Leavitt, Nabokov, A.M. Holmes, Raymond Carver ... and Ethan Canin (Emperor of the Air, which was pubbed in Dutch as Nachtreizigers (from the story "We Are Night Travelers").
Next class, I approached him after the bell and said, "I checked out your Web site and see you are a writer. I really liked your list of books and was pleased to see Ethan Canin in there."
"Oh!" he gushed, in raptured English. "Eth-uhn Cahn-uhn is my idol! Better than Carver!"
"Do you read those books in English or Dutch?"
"Sometimes English, but my English is not that good. I've read most of those books in Dutch."
"That's funny because ... Eth-an Can-in" -- (I actually hedged on this, falling somewhere between the correct pronunciation and the Dutch one) -- "was my teacher!"
His eyes bulged. "Oh, but this is rare! Whatever happened to him?"
"He's teaching and still writing. He's written a few movies. I think he has a new novel coming out." (He does, aimed for next June.)
"How old is Eth-uhn Cahn-un?" Then he looked a little worried. "Do you say ... Eth-un Cahn-un, or...?"
"EEETH-an CAYN-an. I believe he's 46 or so."
"Oh, good." Nodding soberly. "Then there will be more. I bought that book of stories when it came out here. I think it flopped, but I went around to everyone I knew and said you simply have to read these stories."
I asked if he had read The Palace Thief. No. Or heard of Richard Yates, who would fit right in on his list. He had not. So next class I brought The Palace Thief and Eleven Kinds of Loneliness to loan him.
"I will bring for you next time the Eth-uhn Cahn-uhn stories in Dutch." Here's where I caught the twinkle in his eye. "Perhaps I should make your extra assignment to read them?"
So that should be interesting. The most advanced book in Dutch I've tackled is Pietje Bell in Amerika, by Chris van Abkoude, one in a kind of wry, comical Dutch boy's adventure series (that is actually reminding me of the Chums of Chance in Against the Day). Takes me about half an hour to fully understand every word on a page of Pietje Bell. At that rate, it will take me 89 hours to read Nachtreizigers. Hopefully knowing the stories will help me get better faster at the language! Who woulda thought?
"Next time you see Eth-uhn Cahn-un again," he added as we were leaving, "tell him in Holland he has at least one fan, but he is a great big fan."
11.15.2007
NaBloPoMo continues (for now)
Okay, I have to post today, but really I want you guys to keep posting about the caucuses (see below).
Here are a couple of points of interest to me, however:
1. This is an article on the collateral damage caused by the writers' strike. You wouldn't usually associate writers with dry cleaning, but they are indeed linked!
2. I am going to Chicago and NYC this weekend. Although apparently the massive copper pipes that make up the Internets do indeed extend into these metropolises, I may not be able to keep up my rampant, inane posting this weekend, and this means our (my) dreams of NaBloPoMo are imperiled. If some of you smartypantses out there could post Fri., Sat., Sun., and Mon., I would appreciate it. If not, well, so be it. RIP, dreams.
Here are a couple of points of interest to me, however:
1. This is an article on the collateral damage caused by the writers' strike. You wouldn't usually associate writers with dry cleaning, but they are indeed linked!
2. I am going to Chicago and NYC this weekend. Although apparently the massive copper pipes that make up the Internets do indeed extend into these metropolises, I may not be able to keep up my rampant, inane posting this weekend, and this means our (my) dreams of NaBloPoMo are imperiled. If some of you smartypantses out there could post Fri., Sat., Sun., and Mon., I would appreciate it. If not, well, so be it. RIP, dreams.
11.14.2007
A simple request
If you were still living in Iowa and could caucus on 1/3/08, for whom would you caucus and why? I am soliciting input.
11.13.2007
But who will speak for the crackhead hippos?
The Associated Press
GAUHATI, India -- Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.
Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton's was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.
"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network's Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.
Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.
"There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad," Hilton was quoted as saying in Tokyo last week. She was in Tokyo to judge a beauty contest.
Her publicist couldn't immediately be reached for comment Tuesday.
Hilton promised to improve her bad-girl image after she completed a jail term in June for violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.
She announced plans to do charity work in Rwanda, but the trip was postponed until next year.
Sangeeta Goswami, head of animal rights group People for Animals, told The Associated Press: "I am indeed happy Hilton has taken note of recent incidents of wild elephants in northeast India going berserk after drinking homemade rice beer and getting killed."
"As part of her global elephant campaign, Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region literally infested with elephants," Goswami said.
"As part of her global elephant campaign, Hilton should, in fact, think of visiting this region literally infested with elephants," Goswami said.
Another conservationist said elephant alcohol abuse was just a symptom of the real problem.
11.12.2007
Writers' strike
Here's an interesting (and, in my opinion, mostly spot-on) analysis of the situation that has led to the writers' strike.
11.11.2007
The wired world
I saw this article in today's Sunday Styles. While this guy is full of shit about a four-hour workweek, I was heartened to see (at last) someone point out a very obvious fact: IMing is productivity-destroying. Fine, it's fun, but it very rarely helps you get your work done faster or better, in my opinion. But then again, I'm 35, so maybe this is just one of those "In my day..." diatribes.
11.10.2007
Norman Mailer has died
Obituary here. Kakutani thoughts here.
A choice quote from the obit: "Mr. Mailer belonged to the old literary school that regarded novel writing as a heroic enterprise undertaken by heroic characters with egos to match." I'd like to see a renaissance of the first part of that sentence (novel writing seen as heroic enterprise), but I think the idea of writers as heroic, egostical characters has probably caused more problems than progress by emphasizing this over the enterprise itself. It seems to me that, for instance, certain writers succeeded in spite of the fact that they were drunks and/or assholes, not because of these traits. But it's seductive for a younger writer to think there's some causality there. Now that I think of it, this notion probably led to all of reality television, too. In fact, it explains all of America today. QED.
A choice quote from the obit: "Mr. Mailer belonged to the old literary school that regarded novel writing as a heroic enterprise undertaken by heroic characters with egos to match." I'd like to see a renaissance of the first part of that sentence (novel writing seen as heroic enterprise), but I think the idea of writers as heroic, egostical characters has probably caused more problems than progress by emphasizing this over the enterprise itself. It seems to me that, for instance, certain writers succeeded in spite of the fact that they were drunks and/or assholes, not because of these traits. But it's seductive for a younger writer to think there's some causality there. Now that I think of it, this notion probably led to all of reality television, too. In fact, it explains all of America today. QED.
11.09.2007
Only 21 more days of NaBloPoMo
Let's face it: we're all getting older. Some of us more than others. Like Grendel, for instance. Anyway, today I had one of those horrifying moments when it became clear that not only was I doing something my mother does, but I was doing something my mother does that I have frequently decried as unacceptable and probably indicative of a steep decline into insanity. What I did was to take some of the clutter from our house and put it into my car since we're having visitors this weekend. Now, that sentence looks banal, but the content is, frankly, horrifying. It means that I have crap that I cannot organize, crap that I am also perhaps irrationally unwilling to dispose of, so I am placing it in my car as though my car is a storage facility. And speaking of storage facilities, my mother has several - God only knows what shit is in there. Before you know it, I'll be collecting worthless magazines, and the guest room will be filled ceiling to floor with them, which is not something my mother does but is something one of my friends' mothers does, and all of the mothers' neurotic behaviors really start to blend together after a certain point.
But let me get to my question, which is the following: in what ways have you manifested disturbing behavior reminiscent of your parents? And, as a follow-up, is anything more unsettling than this, other than perhaps anything involving Dick Cheney? Don't leave me hanging, ye goats of the earth.
But let me get to my question, which is the following: in what ways have you manifested disturbing behavior reminiscent of your parents? And, as a follow-up, is anything more unsettling than this, other than perhaps anything involving Dick Cheney? Don't leave me hanging, ye goats of the earth.
11.08.2007
In my day, all we had is Pop Rocks and Coke
WASHINGTON - Millions of Chinese-made toys have been pulled from shelves in North America and Australia after scientists found they contain a chemical that converts into a powerful “date rape” drug when ingested. Two children in the U.S. and three in Australia were hospitalized after swallowing the beads.
With only seven weeks until Christmas, the recall is yet another blow to the toy industry — already bruised by a slew of recalls last summer.
With only seven weeks until Christmas, the recall is yet another blow to the toy industry — already bruised by a slew of recalls last summer.
In the United States, the toy goes by the name Aqua Dots, a highly popular holiday toy distributed by Toronto-based Spin Master Toys. It is called Bindeez in Australia, where it was named toy of the year at an industry function earlier this year.
Moose Enterprises said Bindeez and Aqua Dots are made at the same factory, which is located in Shenzhen in China’s southern Guangdong province. Last week the Chinese government announced an export ban on more than 700 toy factories in the region because of shoddy products.
Moose Enterprises said Bindeez and Aqua Dots are made at the same factory, which is located in Shenzhen in China’s southern Guangdong province. Last week the Chinese government announced an export ban on more than 700 toy factories in the region because of shoddy products.
The company said that the product is distributed in 40 countries but that it was up to the individual countries and distributors to determine whether the product would be pulled. The toy beads are sold in general merchandise stores and over the Internet for use in arts and crafts projects. They can be arranged into designs and fused when sprayed with water. Scientists say a chemical coating on the beads, when ingested, metabolizes into the so-called date rape drug gamma hydroxy butyrate. When eaten, the compound — made from common and easily available ingredients — can induce unconsciousness, seizures, drowsiness, coma and death.
Naren Gunja from Australia’s Poisons Information Center said the drug’s effect on children was “quite serious ... and potentially life-threatening.”
The recall was announced by the Consumer Product Safety Commission on Wednesday several hours after published reports about the recall in Australia.
The two U.S. children who swallowed Aqua Dot beads went into nonresponsive comas, commission spokesman Scott Wolfson said Wednesday. A 20-month-old has recovered completely while the other child, whose age was not known, has been released from a hospital after five days and is recovering, he said.
“To prevent any other child from being hurt, we are calling upon parents to take the product away immediately,” Wolfson said.
In Australia, the toys were ordered off store shelves on Tuesday when officials learned that a 2-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl were hospitalized after swallowing the beads. A 19-month-old toddler also was being treated.
The news jolted the toy industry because Aqua Dots has been one of the few bright stars of the toy selling season, which, along with overall retailing, has gotten off to a sluggish start. The item, which had been heavily advertised, had appeared on many toy experts’ list of must-have holiday toys, and toy sellers are now in the midst of canceling advertising and scrambling to figure out how to replace it.
Chris Byrne, a New York-based toy consultant, noted that the incidents could have been isolated, and Spin Master may be erring on the side of caution.
“This is something that they could not have foreseen. This is an extremely hot toy. ... It’s a little scary,” Byrne said.
“This is something that they could not have foreseen. This is an extremely hot toy. ... It’s a little scary,” Byrne said.
In a statement, Toys “R” Us Inc., said that it issued on Tuesday a “stop sale” on the entire Spin Master Aqua Dots product line in its North American stores and on its Web site after it learned of the news. “We understand that Spin Master and U.S. regulatory authorities are investigating this product and we have asked Spin Master to fully explain what it believes happened,” said the toy seller in a statement.
11.07.2007
The local news
Yesterday, there was a local election here in the IC. There was record turnout, not because of the hotly contested city council race, but rather because there was an ordinance on the ballot that would have required all bar patrons to be 21. (You may recall that 19-year-olds can get into bars here but are not supposed to drink, which, in turn, means a steady stream of revenue for the city since there are about 10,000 arrests for possession of alcohol under the legal age in the police blotter every day.) Anyway, students registered and voted in large numbers, and the ordinance failed.
Now, what I'm wondering is whether this surge in registration will translate into high student turnout at the caucuses. I've noticed a curious thing among my students, which is that they'll be all into Barack Obama or Ron Paul or whomever, but when I ask if they're planning to caucus, they say no. Young people, being a Facebook or MySpace friend of a candidate doesn't mean that they'll win! You have to show up!
Now, what I'm wondering is whether this surge in registration will translate into high student turnout at the caucuses. I've noticed a curious thing among my students, which is that they'll be all into Barack Obama or Ron Paul or whomever, but when I ask if they're planning to caucus, they say no. Young people, being a Facebook or MySpace friend of a candidate doesn't mean that they'll win! You have to show up!
11.06.2007
So, I was doing a little research for the next installment of Alcoa Ruskin ...
How to Build Your OwnPersonal Programmable Sex Android or RobotWarning: Some sexual content. Not suitable for minors.
This android is controlled from your computer using USB connection (see USB Central for USB developer resources) or you can use the very simple (although nearly obsolete) parallel port interface. Motors and other parts can be purchased at specialty stores or over the Internet. For everything here (excluding the doll) should cost you under $100 (for the parallel port model).
Vibrating motors are used to provide stimulation since this simplifies things a lot. Vibrators are small to fit easily inside your doll and just need a pair of wires for control. Vibration is a reasonable substitute to mimic the pressure created by the muscles and by the pressure of vasocongestion. At high frequencies vibration is felt as a continuous pressure. See Biomechanics and Functional Anatomy of Human Female Genitalia and Contemporary views on female pelvic anatomy for more info about the muscles of the female genital tract and how they work. This particular android does not move, movement requires much more in terms of power output (bigger motors), gears and other mechanics. If you would like movement, build this first, then experiment with movement after you get used to working with the electronics and the programming.
For help in soldering your circuit see the ApogeeKits FREE Illustrated Guide to Electronics Soldering. Well written guide to electronics soldering. Lubricating fluid is pumped into the cervix of the doll with a micro fluid pump (the one illustrated at this link is being developed to cool computer chips). To control the amount of fluid delivered use a return line to the lubricating fluid storage tank and a valve on the line going to the doll. This prevents your pump from flooding the doll or from the motor squealing if you obstruct its flow. Lubricating fluid is a 0.9% saline solution with glycerine added (900mg of sodium chloride per 90ml of distilled water and 10ml of glycerine). Warm to body heat; use an insulated container to retain the heat. See the photos of the parts to understand how everything works. You'll need four 12 volt controllers with opto-isolators. The tiny pager vibrator motors are rated at 3.0 volts and around 100mA current draw so you can operate two of them in series (to drop the voltage to each down to around 2.5 volts) from one output of the ULN2803. When operating motors from the 5 volt supply of the interface connect the ULN2803 Pin 10 to the +5 volt power supply to connect the internal clamping diodes of the ULN2803. Pager motors generally sell for $2.00 each as do the 5 volt mini-fan and the medium power 12 volt motors. The pump was $10.00 (a windshield washer pump from a Japanese car). To find out more about pager vibrators go here. Place a 100pF ceramic capacitor across the terminals of each motor to help cut down on the noise generated by the motor brushes. The 8 outputs control the following:
3 volt vibrator motor (2) right and left labia majora mimic labial vasocongestion/erection (Note: these low voltage motors are wired in series and can be operated directly from the ULN2803 output)
3 volt vibrator motor (2) mimic vaginal plexus vasocongestion (as for vibrator motors above)
3 volt vibrator motor (2) mimic superficial muscles encicling the vaginal opening (as for vibrator motors above)
5 volt mini-fan, scent (mimic perfume vapour from warm skin) (run directly from ULN2803 output)
12 volt motor mimic levator ani/pubococcygeus muscles (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt pump, vaginal lubrication (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt motor mimic anal sphincter muscle (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt motor mimic rectal musculature (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
Each of these locations will be determined by the size and build of your doll. The descriptions above refer to anatomical locations; see the "Biomechanics and Functional Anatomy of Human Female Genitalia" (see link for this free publication above) for where these locations are.
Each input is a microswitch usually using a piece of flexible plastic tubing. When triggered, it connects the normally open (NO) lead to ground or common (COM) lead of the switch(see the interface booklet for more information). The microswitches are located at:
mons veneris
clitoris
labia majora (2 switches, one for each lip, wired in parallel)
vaginal entrance
2cm inside vagina
deep vagina
anus
rectum
As you can see the doll can sense what is going on. These switches cost between $0.75 and $1.00 each so the entire nervous system will be under $10. Place a 100pF ceramic capacitor across each switch's contacts to help cut down on any high-frequency noise generated by the switch or picked up by the wires running back to the interface.
All in all, about $30 for the motors, $20 for the motor controllers, $10 for the micro-switches, $20 for the parallel port interface (more for the USB interface) and $15 for a 12 volt power supply or about $95 in total. I haven't included the cost of the doll or any stuff you'll need to attach the motors etc. since this will vary by the motor type, the doll and your own skill level. In most cases the small vibrator motors can be placed in aluminum tubes, secured with epoxy cement and the ends of the tube sealed with small plastic caps or tape. Dip these in latex or liquid PVC and attach where needed. Suspend internally with springs to provide a resting tension). For the fan motor, mount it over a hole in a small project box. Inside the box, a small piece of sponge with some perfume on it supplies the scent. Make one-way valves from thin pieces of acetate plastic (used for page protectors) so when the fan is not running the openings in the box are closed. When the fan is turned on, it sucks air through the holes, over the sponge and distributes the scent.
Programming. Use any language you're comfortable with, see the examples in the parallel port booklet for how to address each input/output. You can address the parallel port using the Java language Java Communications API. For more info see http://java.sun.com/ Free programming tools for sex androids and robots are available at the Maria Script website. The Maria Scripting Language is a language specifically designed for describing sexual behaviors.
The basic controllers are shown above. Starting at the bottom and moving counter clockwise are the parallel port board which has its own 5 volt power supply built in and a ULN2803 transistor array. The ULN2803 can handle power up to 500mA per output. At the top of the photo is an AC (alternating current) controller for 117 volt AC. It uses an optical isolator to isolate the high voltage from the interface and a triac with a heat sink to control the power. It is controlled from the ULN2803 on the parallel port board. At the right side of the photo is a dual 12 volt controller with its own regulated power supply and two power transistors. Schematics for the opto-isolator circuits are here on the parallel port page and should be fairly straightforward. I've used a 4N38A opto-isolator with 2N6044 power transistors for the DC controller and an MOC3011 opto-isolator with a a BT137 triac for the AC controller. You can use other opto-isolator combinations depending upon what your suppliers have available (the control signal comes from the ULN2803 on the parallel port board). As you can see, all the boards are simple to build. To control a beefy 12 volt motor should cost you $5.00 or LESS in parts (resistor, opto-isolator, power transistor, diode)
Above is a schematic for a simple 12 volt positive regulator which takes DC or AC input from 15 to 24 volts and outputs 12 volts DC. Heat sink the 7812 regulator for maximum output. Depending upon the size of the motors you may want to construct a separate regulator for each motor and run all regulators from a common unregulated supply. You can also use the same schematic with a 5 volt regulator (LM7805)
The photo above shows the three types of motors used. On the upper left side, the large black motor is actually a 12 volt pump from the windshield washer of a car. Used for lubrication. At the bottom is a 6 to 12 volt motor outfitted with a weight made from a brass bushing. This motor is used to replicate the actions of large muscles (levator ani/pubococcygeus and the anal sphincter and rectum). The tiny motor to the left of the last motor is a pager vibrator. This motor is shown in more detail in the next photo.
The pager vibrator motor (used to mimic vasocongestion and the muscular lining of the vaginal walls) and the microswitch (used for the android's "nerves) are shown in the photo above next to an ordinary pencil for scale. The vibrator motor comes with the weight attached. The microswitch has normally open and closed contacts; the red button is the actual switch part. It doesn't take much pressure to trip this switch.
Shown above is a tiny 5 volt fan that can be used to waft perfumes or other scents into the air.
Available at some computer parts stores
This android is controlled from your computer using USB connection (see USB Central for USB developer resources) or you can use the very simple (although nearly obsolete) parallel port interface. Motors and other parts can be purchased at specialty stores or over the Internet. For everything here (excluding the doll) should cost you under $100 (for the parallel port model).
Vibrating motors are used to provide stimulation since this simplifies things a lot. Vibrators are small to fit easily inside your doll and just need a pair of wires for control. Vibration is a reasonable substitute to mimic the pressure created by the muscles and by the pressure of vasocongestion. At high frequencies vibration is felt as a continuous pressure. See Biomechanics and Functional Anatomy of Human Female Genitalia and Contemporary views on female pelvic anatomy for more info about the muscles of the female genital tract and how they work. This particular android does not move, movement requires much more in terms of power output (bigger motors), gears and other mechanics. If you would like movement, build this first, then experiment with movement after you get used to working with the electronics and the programming.
For help in soldering your circuit see the ApogeeKits FREE Illustrated Guide to Electronics Soldering. Well written guide to electronics soldering. Lubricating fluid is pumped into the cervix of the doll with a micro fluid pump (the one illustrated at this link is being developed to cool computer chips). To control the amount of fluid delivered use a return line to the lubricating fluid storage tank and a valve on the line going to the doll. This prevents your pump from flooding the doll or from the motor squealing if you obstruct its flow. Lubricating fluid is a 0.9% saline solution with glycerine added (900mg of sodium chloride per 90ml of distilled water and 10ml of glycerine). Warm to body heat; use an insulated container to retain the heat. See the photos of the parts to understand how everything works. You'll need four 12 volt controllers with opto-isolators. The tiny pager vibrator motors are rated at 3.0 volts and around 100mA current draw so you can operate two of them in series (to drop the voltage to each down to around 2.5 volts) from one output of the ULN2803. When operating motors from the 5 volt supply of the interface connect the ULN2803 Pin 10 to the +5 volt power supply to connect the internal clamping diodes of the ULN2803. Pager motors generally sell for $2.00 each as do the 5 volt mini-fan and the medium power 12 volt motors. The pump was $10.00 (a windshield washer pump from a Japanese car). To find out more about pager vibrators go here. Place a 100pF ceramic capacitor across the terminals of each motor to help cut down on the noise generated by the motor brushes. The 8 outputs control the following:
3 volt vibrator motor (2) right and left labia majora mimic labial vasocongestion/erection (Note: these low voltage motors are wired in series and can be operated directly from the ULN2803 output)
3 volt vibrator motor (2) mimic vaginal plexus vasocongestion (as for vibrator motors above)
3 volt vibrator motor (2) mimic superficial muscles encicling the vaginal opening (as for vibrator motors above)
5 volt mini-fan, scent (mimic perfume vapour from warm skin) (run directly from ULN2803 output)
12 volt motor mimic levator ani/pubococcygeus muscles (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt pump, vaginal lubrication (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt motor mimic anal sphincter muscle (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
12 volt motor mimic rectal musculature (requires opto-isolator/power transistor)
Each of these locations will be determined by the size and build of your doll. The descriptions above refer to anatomical locations; see the "Biomechanics and Functional Anatomy of Human Female Genitalia" (see link for this free publication above) for where these locations are.
Each input is a microswitch usually using a piece of flexible plastic tubing. When triggered, it connects the normally open (NO) lead to ground or common (COM) lead of the switch(see the interface booklet for more information). The microswitches are located at:
mons veneris
clitoris
labia majora (2 switches, one for each lip, wired in parallel)
vaginal entrance
2cm inside vagina
deep vagina
anus
rectum
As you can see the doll can sense what is going on. These switches cost between $0.75 and $1.00 each so the entire nervous system will be under $10. Place a 100pF ceramic capacitor across each switch's contacts to help cut down on any high-frequency noise generated by the switch or picked up by the wires running back to the interface.
All in all, about $30 for the motors, $20 for the motor controllers, $10 for the micro-switches, $20 for the parallel port interface (more for the USB interface) and $15 for a 12 volt power supply or about $95 in total. I haven't included the cost of the doll or any stuff you'll need to attach the motors etc. since this will vary by the motor type, the doll and your own skill level. In most cases the small vibrator motors can be placed in aluminum tubes, secured with epoxy cement and the ends of the tube sealed with small plastic caps or tape. Dip these in latex or liquid PVC and attach where needed. Suspend internally with springs to provide a resting tension). For the fan motor, mount it over a hole in a small project box. Inside the box, a small piece of sponge with some perfume on it supplies the scent. Make one-way valves from thin pieces of acetate plastic (used for page protectors) so when the fan is not running the openings in the box are closed. When the fan is turned on, it sucks air through the holes, over the sponge and distributes the scent.
Programming. Use any language you're comfortable with, see the examples in the parallel port booklet for how to address each input/output. You can address the parallel port using the Java language Java Communications API. For more info see http://java.sun.com/ Free programming tools for sex androids and robots are available at the Maria Script website. The Maria Scripting Language is a language specifically designed for describing sexual behaviors.
The basic controllers are shown above. Starting at the bottom and moving counter clockwise are the parallel port board which has its own 5 volt power supply built in and a ULN2803 transistor array. The ULN2803 can handle power up to 500mA per output. At the top of the photo is an AC (alternating current) controller for 117 volt AC. It uses an optical isolator to isolate the high voltage from the interface and a triac with a heat sink to control the power. It is controlled from the ULN2803 on the parallel port board. At the right side of the photo is a dual 12 volt controller with its own regulated power supply and two power transistors. Schematics for the opto-isolator circuits are here on the parallel port page and should be fairly straightforward. I've used a 4N38A opto-isolator with 2N6044 power transistors for the DC controller and an MOC3011 opto-isolator with a a BT137 triac for the AC controller. You can use other opto-isolator combinations depending upon what your suppliers have available (the control signal comes from the ULN2803 on the parallel port board). As you can see, all the boards are simple to build. To control a beefy 12 volt motor should cost you $5.00 or LESS in parts (resistor, opto-isolator, power transistor, diode)
Above is a schematic for a simple 12 volt positive regulator which takes DC or AC input from 15 to 24 volts and outputs 12 volts DC. Heat sink the 7812 regulator for maximum output. Depending upon the size of the motors you may want to construct a separate regulator for each motor and run all regulators from a common unregulated supply. You can also use the same schematic with a 5 volt regulator (LM7805)
The photo above shows the three types of motors used. On the upper left side, the large black motor is actually a 12 volt pump from the windshield washer of a car. Used for lubrication. At the bottom is a 6 to 12 volt motor outfitted with a weight made from a brass bushing. This motor is used to replicate the actions of large muscles (levator ani/pubococcygeus and the anal sphincter and rectum). The tiny motor to the left of the last motor is a pager vibrator. This motor is shown in more detail in the next photo.
The pager vibrator motor (used to mimic vasocongestion and the muscular lining of the vaginal walls) and the microswitch (used for the android's "nerves) are shown in the photo above next to an ordinary pencil for scale. The vibrator motor comes with the weight attached. The microswitch has normally open and closed contacts; the red button is the actual switch part. It doesn't take much pressure to trip this switch.
Shown above is a tiny 5 volt fan that can be used to waft perfumes or other scents into the air.
Available at some computer parts stores
Second me
After editing a book about it, I couldn't resist trying it out. Of course I, Xochi Weatherwax, chose the fox head.
That's me sitting among some ruins on a beautiful island.
Found a place to do some meditation.
And some hocus-pocus.
I decided to try being a zebra. That's some guardian robot checking me out, somewhere.
Here's what it looks like when I fly as a zebra.
Meeting traca for the first time in SL. Took her about half an hour to get set up.
It's free to join SL, but you are homeless. To have your own place costs a little bit. Haven't spent money yet, but I'm thinking of buying a little plot. Maybe an Earth Goat Island, with a virtual Fox Head, where we could hang out anytime, would always be a place to go? Would anyone else agree to try out this wacky thing if I did? It wouldn't cost you anything.
11.05.2007
Opportunity strikes
So, the TV and movie writers are officially on strike. Despite the disruption that this will cause my evening routine, I think it represents an opportunity for our very own Brando. I propose that he film a daily news clip or two and post it on YouTube. A frenzy of adulation will ensue, and he'll be the next Jon Stewart. And then we can ride his coattails into "Stars: They're Just Like Us" (where Brando will be photographed getting a butter burger at Culver's, and maybe we'll be partially visible in the background). Who agrees with me? Other than, um, EVERYONE?
11.04.2007
College towns
I'm keeping our dreams of successfully completing NaBloPoMo alive. In today's New York Times, there was some good news for those of us who remain in the hinterlands: college towns have emerged from the subprime mortgate mess relatively unscathed. Iowa City is numero dos on the list of towns that find themselves in good shape, mortgage-wise.
I'll try to come up with something better for tomorrow. But perhaps YOU have something you can contribute? Signs point to yes.
I'll try to come up with something better for tomorrow. But perhaps YOU have something you can contribute? Signs point to yes.
11.03.2007
Vampiro, Jr.
A Mini-Me emerged into the world for Vampiro and his lovely wife Halloween morning. A 7.5-pounder, the boy is fetching and is already displaying 'tude by starting out with a "faux hawk" do. Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Vampiro!
11.02.2007
Strike!
So our much-richer brethren, the TV and movie writers, are going on strike. I'd say good for them, except that this apparently immediately threatens my personal enjoyment of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Also, it will apparently dry up the market for options on books, since there won't be any writers available to adapt them into screenplays.
Still, I think we can safely say that, like the music industry and the publishing industry, the movie/TV industry may be in need of a serious shakeup. Thoughts? Maybe the TV writers will take this opportunity to crank out some novels. I have no opinion as to whether that would be good or bad.
(My favorite part of the above article is that it notes that Starbucks expects to see an uptick in business in the LA area as underoccupied writers look for places to hang out.)
Updated to add: Incidentally, you may not be aware that a certain frequent visiting faculty member with the initials C.O. got a sweet deal writing for Alan Ball's new HBO show. I'm not sure how this affects him - ie, whether all the episodes had been written already or not.
Still, I think we can safely say that, like the music industry and the publishing industry, the movie/TV industry may be in need of a serious shakeup. Thoughts? Maybe the TV writers will take this opportunity to crank out some novels. I have no opinion as to whether that would be good or bad.
(My favorite part of the above article is that it notes that Starbucks expects to see an uptick in business in the LA area as underoccupied writers look for places to hang out.)
Updated to add: Incidentally, you may not be aware that a certain frequent visiting faculty member with the initials C.O. got a sweet deal writing for Alan Ball's new HBO show. I'm not sure how this affects him - ie, whether all the episodes had been written already or not.
11.01.2007
All about me
Well, I've been a bit absent lately, as I was waging an honorable but ill-fated war against Blogger. Fine, I lost: I set up a Google account and am back in business.
So, like, what's up with you guys? Are you aware that today is the kickoff of National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo)? A hundred and fifty years ago, when I was still a city-dweller, I participated in this event and cranked out a nonsensical 60,000-word yarn entitled Thinly Veiled. It was published on my office printer and bound in the finest vinyl binder I had on hand. When I was in the midst of writing this, my only completed novel to date, I followed a couple of simple guidelines: (1) when the action lags, add a talking animal, and (2) if you can't tie up all the threads at the end, make everyone die in a blimp accident. Yes, I agree that this sounds more appealing than anything I've written since, though it isn't quite as entertaining as the Amorous Adventures of Alcoa Ruskin.
I'm considering participating again this month, given that I have four (4) incomplete novels just itching to be finished so that we can definitively say that they were a waste of time instead of merely suspecting it. Anyone with me? If not, what about having this blog participate in National Blog Posting Month (aka NaBloPoMo)? That means a post a day for the month of November, which hath only 30 days. We can do it!
In other news, we still live in Iowa. We are continually claiming that we are on the verge of moving to LA, or SF, or Austin. Politicians are swarming the state, and we are looking forward to caucusing. We're undecided and open to lobbying/bribery if you'd like us to caucus for your preferred candidate, Mike Gravel. When we go on walks with our very handsome baby son, we pass many of your old domiciles and think wistfully about the snows of yesteryear. And then we go home and watch TiVo. And then everyone dies in a blimp accident.
So, like, what's up with you guys? Are you aware that today is the kickoff of National Novel Writing Month (aka NaNoWriMo)? A hundred and fifty years ago, when I was still a city-dweller, I participated in this event and cranked out a nonsensical 60,000-word yarn entitled Thinly Veiled. It was published on my office printer and bound in the finest vinyl binder I had on hand. When I was in the midst of writing this, my only completed novel to date, I followed a couple of simple guidelines: (1) when the action lags, add a talking animal, and (2) if you can't tie up all the threads at the end, make everyone die in a blimp accident. Yes, I agree that this sounds more appealing than anything I've written since, though it isn't quite as entertaining as the Amorous Adventures of Alcoa Ruskin.
I'm considering participating again this month, given that I have four (4) incomplete novels just itching to be finished so that we can definitively say that they were a waste of time instead of merely suspecting it. Anyone with me? If not, what about having this blog participate in National Blog Posting Month (aka NaBloPoMo)? That means a post a day for the month of November, which hath only 30 days. We can do it!
In other news, we still live in Iowa. We are continually claiming that we are on the verge of moving to LA, or SF, or Austin. Politicians are swarming the state, and we are looking forward to caucusing. We're undecided and open to lobbying/bribery if you'd like us to caucus for your preferred candidate, Mike Gravel. When we go on walks with our very handsome baby son, we pass many of your old domiciles and think wistfully about the snows of yesteryear. And then we go home and watch TiVo. And then everyone dies in a blimp accident.
10.31.2007
My Favorite Case of All Time
United States District Court, W. D. Pennsylvania.
UNITED STATES ex rel. Gerald MAYO v.SATAN AND HIS STAFF.
Misc. No. 5357.
Dec. 3, 1971.Civil rights action against Satan and his servants who allegedly placed deliberate obstacles in plaintiff's path and caused his downfall, wherein plaintiff prayed for leave to proceed in forma pauperis. The District Court, Weber, J., held that plaintiff would not be granted leave to proceed in forma pauperis who in view of questions of personal jurisdiction over defendant, propriety of class action, and plaintiff's failure to include instructions for directions as to service of process.Prayer denied.
MEMORANDUM ORDERWEBER, District Judge.
Plaintiff, alleging jurisdiction under 18 U.S.C. § 241, 28 U.S.C. § 1343, and 42 U.S.C. § 1983 prays for leave to file a complaint for violation of his civil rights *283 in forma pauperis. He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in his path and has caused plaintiff's downfall.Plaintiff alleges that by reason of these acts Satan has deprived him of his constitutional rights.We feel that the application to file and proceed in forma pauperis must be denied. Even if plaintiff's complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court. We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district. While the official reports disclose no case where this defendant has appeared as defendant there is an unofficial account of a trial in New Hampshire where this defendant filed an action of mortgage foreclosure as plaintiff. The defendant in that action was represented by the preeminent advocate of that day, and raised the defense that the plaintiff was a foreign prince with no standing to sue in an American Court. This defense was overcome by overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Whether or not this would raise an estoppel in the present case we are unable to determine at this time.If such action were to be allowed we would also face the question of whether it may be maintained as a class action. It appears to meet the requirements of Fed.R. of Civ.P. 23 that the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, there are questions of law and fact common to the class, and the claims of the representative party is typical of the claims of the class. We cannot now determine if the representative party will fairly protect the interests of the class.We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshal for directions as to service of process.For the foregoing reasons we must exercise our discretion to refuse the prayer of plaintiff to proceed in forma pauperis.It is ordered that the complaint be given a miscellaneous docket number and leave to proceed in forma pauperis be denied.
Brijit
Another good idea for a Web application, this site commissions abstracts for articles in recent American magazines and publishes them online. You never have to worry about actually reading that pile of Atlantic Monthlies. But if you like the abstract, there is often a link to the article online. You can even work for them (click on the Writer's Area).
10.23.2007
The Amorous Adventures of Alcoa Ruskin, Headmaster of Tampax/MillerHighLife/WeightWatchers/Redbull/ Stridex University
Alcoa Ruskin sat in his Work Bubble, injecting his dinner into his thigh. It was steak and mashed potatos, and the potato-extract was lumpy, as usual.
"Oh, to have lived in a simpler time!" sighed Alcoa, cringing uncomfortably as a lump moved through his artery toward his knee. "I am not made for this 25th Century! I wish I lived a long, long, long, long time ago!" Suddently, he felt the shudder and heard the loud ringing "danger! danger! danger!" that meant Princess BigLots Krispy Kreme, Tampax/MillerHighLife/WeightWatchers/Redbull/Stridex University's only student, had dialed up his Work Bubble. Alcoa rose slowly past Mattress King Viagra, the old, brittle head of the history department. He waved at Mattress King. Mattress King looked up from the pile of books and maps he was sitting on. He looked as if he had been crying hot salty tears that seemed to be the hot salty tears of someone who was very old now and did not feel quite so hot and salty at all and was probably just as lost as Alcoa was but who had never really shared much considering the fact they were always kept locked in their plastic Work Bubbles lest BigLots needed something at an odd hour of the day. BigLots was their only student, the cost of college education now being so high that schools only had one student, divvied among the 12 colleges on Barsoom. Earth had been abandoned since the 23rd Century, when the Prophet Al Gore came back from the dead and threw everyone off the stagnant garbage pile the Earth had become. Even with millions of miles of airlessness between Earth and Barsoom, the universe still smelled like a used diaper.
BigLots sat at her plastic desk, tapping her foot impatiently as Alcoa rose through the floor and came to a shuddering stop in front of her. He piled some of his books into a chair and smiled "Hello, BigLots. What can I do for you?"
"I want to know about sex!" declared BigLots.
"What? What are you talking about?" asked Alcoa. He was genuinely as clueless as a detective who had no clues.
BigLots jabbed her ComputerPen at the air in front of her. An image floated above her head. Two people. A man and a woman. "Are they fighting?" asked Alcoa.
"No! They're having sex! I want to learn what they are doing!" declared BigLots.
"Well, what's it for?" asked Alcoa.
"That's why I'm asking you. You're the headmaster. Old Mattress King couldn't tell me anything." BigLots looked at the writhing image longingly, her cobalt blue eyes like puddles of water poured from a fishbowl that had been knocked over by a tabby cat. "It looks wonderful!" she sighed, wringing her hands in front of her sighingly.
Alcoa watched the flickering image. "Where did you find this?"
"In the library. I was, I was," the fish in her eyes jumped and sparkled as if falling out of the bowl hadn't killed them but made them even stronger and more scaly, if either Alcoa or BigLots knew what a fish was, since they'd all gone extinct a long time ago. "I saw your name on an old box in the Miniaturized Library, and I looked inside with the DeSmallifier."
"Alcoa?" asked Alcoa.
"No. Ruskin. He was the headmaster here too, but a long time ago. And the box, the box," the fish let go of their hooks and swum up to her forehead and then splashed down into her cheeks. "There are so many things in the box. The box is so full of things. Things. Wonderful things in the box!"
"So, you discovered a thing in a box?" asked Alcoa increduously. "You're like this because my long dead relation put his thing in a box?" The ghost people fighting above BigLots head were making him uncomfortable.
"Many things in many boxes. Boxes of all shapes, sizes, and colors! It seems to be all he did, if I understand what he's left behind." her face flushed pink like a new sunset on the third ice moon of Jupiter, all pinkly gauze and flutter. "But I didn't read very far. I was too frightened and embarassed." BigLots turned away from Alcoa in fright and embarassment.
"Well, let me see your box, and I'll see if I can get this all straightened out," declared Alcoa.
"You think you can straighten out your ancestor?"
"I don't see why not. I am a headmaster."
"Oh, Mr. Ruskin! I don't know what to say!"
"Bring me your box, and I will take a poke at it," said Alcoa.
"I should very much enjoy your poking of my box!"
"You and I will poke your box together!" declared Alcoa, his eyes looking into BigLots but not thinking of fish because he didn't know what a fish was. "We will poke it until there is nothing in your box left to poke!"
What awaits these two interstellar innocents as they reach back into the deep dead past of a world long dead? Tune in next week!
10.22.2007
Amsterdam Marathon 2007
Yesterday we were up early and on the train -- I mean the bus, since the train tracks were closed for maintenance -- and then the tram to the Olympic Stadium in Amsterdam (site of the 1928 Olympics) for traca da broon's second running of a marathon. She was nervous, suspicious that she hadn't trained enough over the preceding four months.The place was wild with health, 20,000 string beans still a little groggy from their pasta freakouts the night before, all milling about, strapping on water-bottle belts, munching Power Bars and sucking Power Gels, stretching, and -- for God's sake -- jogging all over the place. Everyone packed into the stadium, the runners spread all around the track, with the Ethiopians and other first-class strictly running machines all in front, tiny heads seemingly balanced on top of leg muscles.
Somehow I spotted my darling amidst all this humanity.
The gun went off. And it took ten minutes for them all to squeeze out of the stadium, to great fanfare and loud cheering. She passed under the brick entrance and was gone.
Leaving me to kill five hours in Amsterdam. Inspired by all this running, I decided to walk to the Leidseplein, about a four and a half kilometer trek, mostly through Vondel Park. Well, by the halfway point I was limping on my bad knee and whimpering for a tram, but there was none to be had out in "nature."
I was following the course in the opposite direction, and before long who came trotting by but my baby. She looked great! And, seeing me hunched beneath my backpack laden with her clothes, my books, old dirty sticks of gum and the like, asked me how I was. "Oh, fine, fine!" I nearly added, with a whine: "You go on without me!" We waved. She was gone again.
Staggering, hobbling, I finally arrived at an Irish pub on the Leidseplein and found a table. I had really worked up an appetite and ordered the Full Irish Breakfast. As a hefty chunk of Black Pudding dripping in yolk speared to a piece of toast was all headed toward my watering mouth, an old Irish guy at the table directly across from me got up and stumbled over.
"I'm going to be a bit nosy and have a look at your breakfast." I hesitated, then moved my trembling arms away from my plate. "Yeah, yeah, looks okay. What'd they charge you for that?" he inquired. "Nine euros." "Not bad. I make that for myself every day." When I didn't say anything , but only stared at him with what I hoped was impatient indifference, he went back to his table, and I tucked in vigorously.
Then his wife came back from the toilet (yes, you say that enough times and it becomes okay -- no one was bathing in there, believe me). And the man said to her, "Have a look at the boy's breakfast." And she came over to scrutinize. "Now, could you eat all that?" he called. "No, I couldn't," she said -- with almost a sniff of disdain.
They got distracted by rugby on the telly, and I resumed my feed. Then I began reading a manuscript I'm going to be editing, about avatars and Second Life and whatnot. But the lighting was bad, and eventually my back started hurting, and my eyes were swimming and stinging from smoke, and I needed to walk. Right around this time, traca must have been reaching the halfway point -- 13.1 miles into her run.
I headed down the street and strolled into a Smartshop, which still had seven kinds of magic mushrooms lining the display window. The man, working alone in there, gave me a friendly hello, and we had the following exchange in half Dutch, half English.
"So, what's going to happen with the ban?"
"Well, we're eight votes away in the parliament from blocking it, a huge petition is going around, and there's going to be a huge demonstration next Saturday."
"What about these Growboxes?"
"They have psilocybin in them because they are live myceliums, so those will be banned too.""So, if they do actually ban this stuff, what's next?"
He plunked down a little glass vial in front of me, and a syringe. "This is next. Spores have no drug in them, they will always be legal. Inject the spores into the growing medium, and voila, 30 days or so."
"So the ban will just accomplish moving production into people's houses?"
"Correct. That and LSD will make a big comeback."
He told me about a Web site devoted to reversing the ban (which traca had already found for me), showed me a bunch of other, interesting things -- but I'd had my walk and soon returned to the Irish bar.
Where I noticed something new.
On the back of the little flyer it said, "You think Red Bull gives you wings? This is like a jet-pack." I was sorely tempted, but had work to do and instead ordered my fourth Diet Coke -- which still has coca leaf extract in it, by the way.Eventually, I simply couldn't read anymore in the dingy light amid so many restless rugby fans, and it was time anyway to return to the stadium and see if she would make it. She hadn't called me on the cell phone, which was a good sign. But I was worried she'd be broken somehow, and how would we get her home?
I took a tram and found a place near the stadium and waited. Many of the people coming by wore faces twisted in horrific grimaces, many were shambling along on God knows what secret energy stores, what final scraps of determination and sheer will, many were crying. But then, right when she said she'd be finishing, here she came, all smiles and waves.
I could hardly believe it. What gets into a person to do such a thing? I was surprised at the lump that had formed in my throat. My mouth was hanging open. I yelled encouragement at her and started snapping photos. After she ran by, I headed for the stadium and basked in the wonder of thousands of exhausted but grinning runners, cheered on to the blasting sounds of Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine." I had always thought of that song in terms of LSD slang, but these people appeared not to use that to walk on sunshine. Again, it takes all kinds.
We met at our prearranged spot. She looked wonderful! Was not even out of breath. Said her leg cramped a bit when she bent down once, but that was it.
Ate bananas on the way. Listened to the new Radiohead at the 30K point. She showed me her medal. I was so proud of her I couldn't think of what to say. It was like meeting an alien. "What is it like on your planet?"
Enjoying our first day's benefits of having a dogsitter, we took a tram back to the Leidseplein for a well-earned pint.
And then came back to Haarlem and had what passes here for Mexican food. You're likely to find almost anything in your burrito. Sketchy-looking "salad" items, baby corn, cucumber. With fascination I dug a chunk of steamed celery from mine.
At long last, homeways was rightways -- and we were off to bed, after a long, hard day.
10.19.2007
10.18.2007
What shall we do, we who are at war but are asked to pretend we are not?
The Des Moines Register interviews Marvin Bell on the occasion of his 17th poetry collection, "Mars Being Red."
10.13.2007
Laurel's book is out
Laurel Snyder, of Jewishy Irishy fame, has published her first book of poems, called The Myth of the Simple Machines.Haven't read it yet but that's the coolest cover I've seen in a while. Yay for Laurel!
10.12.2007
Of course I found this in Holland
And of course I found it growing right outside our doctor's office, here in Haarlem.This is the famous fly agaric (Amanita muscaria) of fairy tale lore, one of the earliest psychedelics ever used by humans.
First one I ever found, and I have been hunting mushrooms for years now. Really extraordinary to find one of these inside a city's limits.
This species has a long, curious history of intruding itself into human imagery.
And even, I wonder, about this from the news today...
10.09.2007
Place your bets
Update: Doris Lessing -- whose formal education ended at age 13 and once wrote a book called The Making of the Representative for Planet 8 -- has won the 2007 Nobel Prize for Literature. Somebody could have made a lot of money!You can bet on the Nobel Prize in Literature (TBA Oct. 15) and the Booker Prize (TBA Oct. 16) online at Ladbroke's. Never heard of many if not most of the nominees. How sad that is.
Nobel current leader is Philip Roth at 5:1. Murakami is fairly strong at 8:1, Joyce Carol Oates a bit further behind at 10:1, and Margaret Atwood and Thomas Pynchon just now rounding the final turn with 20:1 odds each. I think they should pick Pynchon just to see if he shows up.
Booker: Lloyd Jones is sitting pretty at 2:1, with Ian McEwan nipping at his heels with 5:2.
Last year Ladbroke's was correct in predicting Orhan Pamuk's prize.
10.03.2007
Radiohead's giveaway
Update: I was able to pay 5 pounds by using a different email adress. And let me tell you, after 4 listens, it's their best album. Heard it here first!As you've probably heard, Radiohead's new album In Rainbows is going to be available for download from the band's Web site Oct 10 -- and apparently from nowhere else. Pre-orders being taken now. A box set is coming in December, also seemingly only available from the Web site. The download costs whatever you feel like paying. I finally managed to get in and enter what economists might call my "rational" or "optimum" price: 0 pounds and 0 pence.
But the more I think about it, the less I like it. Just because Radiohead can afford to do this doesn't mean they should. If the recorded music of the Biggest Most Bestest Band In The World 's value suddenly plummets to zilch, what does that do to the rest of the market? Up and coming bands, mid-career bands ... they have to eat and pay bills. Radiohead seems to think they'll make the money up on touring, but not everyone can do that either.
I worry for working artists when I hear stuff like this. Suppose the richest, most successful writers started printing and selling their books for free? Where would that leave the rest of us?
I wish I could go back and change my price to something reasonable, but it won't let me. Says I can only have one download. Now I am part of the problem.
10.02.2007
Congratulations Arda
I know this place is a little heavy on the fiction at times, but for now please congratulate Arda Collins on her New Yorker poem, Not for Chopin.
Questions for Craig Finn, of the Hold Steady
So, I'm interviewing Craig Finn about literary influences in his music. Knowing that I have a treasure trove of literary knowledge (excluding Dunkeys, who I'm still looking at) right here on this little blog, I thought I'd ask if anyone has some good questions. Especially the poets, considering the importance of John Berryman on the latest record.
In related musical news, anyone remember that kid Ezra Furman from Iowa Young Writers Studio (the kid I had to find a rabbi for in Iowa City so he could celebrate the sabbath -- sample exchange between me and rabbi: Rabbi: "Who is this person? I can't have a crazy person in my house." Me: "He's fifteen -- how crazy could he be." Rabbi: "Plenty crazy.")? I was cruising the hype machine for songs and came across two of his. They're actually pretty good.
9.30.2007
What ails the short story?
Stephen King takes a crack at this now seemingly perennial question. I totally agree with this part:
In too many cases, that audience happens to consist of other writers and would-be writers who are reading the various literary magazines (and The New Yorker, of course, the holy grail of the young fiction writer) not to be entertained but to get an idea of what sells there. And this kind of reading isn’t real reading, the kind where you just can’t wait to find out what happens next (think “Youth,” by Joseph Conrad, or “Big Blonde,” by Dorothy Parker). It’s more like copping-a-feel reading. There’s something yucky about it.By the way, anyone still read Stephen King? I believe the latest novel of his I read was The Tommyknockers. I don't remember much about it. I wonder if in more recent years his own writing has gotten an upgrade similar to his literary credibility. I did like his book about writing. I did not like the "death-by-cellphone" excerpt of Cell that I read a few years back in Entertainment Weekly at the Deadwood during a Simpsons commercial break.
9.25.2007
Anyone know this story by its vague description?
So, I was at this cocktail party with a local author, and Lumpy started talking about this short story that had to do with the mistakes people have in their memory. I thought the thing was called "Peaches," by a Japanese Writer, but I can't find it anywhere. It was the first or second story in one of the collections I taught at Iowa, and it had to do with a boy and his mother pushing a baby carriage full of what I thought were peaches. Anyone have any idea what I'm talking about, and what collection it was in?And, by the by, that's me and the baby wolves at our private beach, which hopefully entices one of y'all to come visit (an invitation I meant to put up in June -- honestly, I can't believe the summer is over).
So, if you know the story, help me out. I'm looking at you, Bernard.
9.24.2007
Hello, Friends
How nice to check this blog after a long hiatus and see that you're all still here and still being funny.
I'm writing to say hello and I miss you, and also to ask you to help me with two things:
1) I just moved to Philly and know only one person. Do any of you know anyone here who might like to be my friend?
2) I'm teaching a creative writing class, and I've asked them to write a scene of dialogue comprised only of questions. If any of you are bored at work, or bored in general and want to whip up a funny one I could use as an example, I would be very happy and very grateful.
Thank you thank you.
I'm writing to say hello and I miss you, and also to ask you to help me with two things:
1) I just moved to Philly and know only one person. Do any of you know anyone here who might like to be my friend?
2) I'm teaching a creative writing class, and I've asked them to write a scene of dialogue comprised only of questions. If any of you are bored at work, or bored in general and want to whip up a funny one I could use as an example, I would be very happy and very grateful.
Thank you thank you.
9.21.2007
The slaughter of 16,000 hyphens
We can apparently blame the Interwebs for the OED's mass killing. "People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for." And: "The hyphen is seen as messy looking and old-fashioned." There's always been a tendency for two words to "date" -- the hyphen as chaperone -- and then marry, becoming one word. But interesting to me are the words that have "broken up": water-bed is now water bed, and ice-cream is now ice cream.
And it's true, they do seem old-fashioned (oldfashioned? old fashioned?). Consider the Onion headline from 100 years ago: Will the Steam Engine Replace the China-Man?
Let me be the first to say: I for one welcome our new antihyphen overlords.
And it's true, they do seem old-fashioned (oldfashioned? old fashioned?). Consider the Onion headline from 100 years ago: Will the Steam Engine Replace the China-Man?
Let me be the first to say: I for one welcome our new antihyphen overlords.
9.20.2007
Upholding tradition
Good to know that Talk Art is alive and well. Wish I were there to go sometimes.
9.14.2007
And another...
I'm happy to report that Kim & Pete have just brought another boy into the world. Roscoe Bell was born this morning at 8:10am, weighing in at 6lb 10oz. K&P are both tired but well.
9.07.2007
Anyone Want To Workshop?
So, after a very long hiatus, a baby, and a dark night of the soul, I really want to get writing again, as I've realized my internal happiness really took a hit when I stopped doing it and concentrated on teaching, making enough money to survive in the Northeast, and changing poopies. While my three main concerns aren't going away any time soon, I was wondering if anyone wanted to start passing around stories over the Net?
And, interestingly enough, I work at Roger Williams University Law School now, and the guy that wrote the article on workshops in the Atlantic teaches in the J-school.
So, let me know, and God Bless Us, Each and Every One.
Find out your actual favorite candidate
at the Candidate Calculator. It's very fast and surprised me. Apparently Mike Gravel is -- by a wide margin -- my dream presidential candidate, as he is among the largest percentage of visitors to that site. Kucinich, Obama, and Hillary are my next best, in that order. Not sure what that says about me, because I think Mike Gravel comes off as a kook. Perhaps I, too, am a kook. A little disturbing that it seems I am voting style over substance, because I am going so far for Obama.
9.05.2007
Continuous computer-generated "news poem"
Richard Valentin, former lead singer for the Poster Children, has created an art project called HOURS. Basically his computer scans the major news sites every hour, finds the two most common words, then prints them out on a continuous sheet of paper. A sample 24-hour period:
iraq bush iraq bush iraq bush iraq korea iraq felix felix basra felix korea felix basra felix korea felix korea nuclear felix nuclear felix nuclear felix nuclear iraq nuclear iraq nuclear iraq felix iraq iraq nuclear nuclear iraq nuclear iraq nuclear iraq nuclear iraq nuclear iraq iraq nuclear
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